Coming Out of the Cosmic Closet

Audrey in DisguisePeek…

 

I’d been feeling it building for a while. It was time to step up even more fully, do what I knew I was here to do, and allow myself to be Really Seen. It felt like quite a biggie: ‘You mean, 100% pure Corinne? Totally do what I love, really own my full Power? Full on Cozza, right to the very edges..?’

I realised that I’d sometimes been turning up in disguise, a bit Corinne Undercover, Watered Down Corinne, Corinne Turned Down To Acceptable Levels…Perhaps I’d been hoping this would be more to other people’s tastes? And whilst I could understand my motivations, those reasons just weren’t useful to me any more: ‘Thank you, Desire To Stay Safe, you’ve been a good friend, and now it’s time to go our separate ways…’, as I shook off the mac and dark glasses and blinked a little in the Light of what I’d just done.

It felt a bit scary, so in true Commit To Joy fashion I noticed this and was curious. I witnessed it, felt into it and I saw how even recently I’d been stopping short of Total Commitment, Total Truth, getting to The Edge and then pulling back at the last moment. Hmmm. But Grounded Excitement, not Fear, was what I wanted to follow now and so with some hugs for the scared parts, and some reassurance that all would be well (and if not always ‘well’, then Real and Good and Useful), we held hands and took a deep breath…

Wheeee!

I jumped. I’m in, and I’m sharing this because it feels like a time when so many of us are being asked to step up to the edge and leap into the deliciously squeal-making Unknown and to Let Go, with only the feeling that it is either that or stay squashed in a shape that doesn’t fit us any more, as our parachute.*

I have such compassion for my adorable Small Self for helpfully cultivating beliefs that me being Real was somehow threatening to others, likely to invite hostility, and therefore it was safer for me to stay somewhat under the radar…But I am not some sort of diamond thief who’s just broken into the British Museum needing to creep and skulk and roll around on the floor under those beams of red light in order to escape detection. Nope. Like you, I am the Diamond itself.

diamondOoh, you little diamond…

And quite apart from anything else, I’ve been beautifully underestimating what others can take. Turns out that people are more than able to withstand the glare of my Incredible Awesomeness. Amazing, I know. (Oh dear ego, you are soooo cute…) But just how is this possible? Well, guess what? They are equally Blazing! How exciting that we are all waking up to the wonder of who we are and what we can offer to the world.

And just as we nurture a little shoot until it flowers, so in this time of stepping into a new territory of Unknown possibilities, power and potential, we must look after ourselves. We must take care of our budding creative projects and dreams, those hopes uncurling in our tender hearts, because they are delicate and precious. WE are delicate and precious, and as we bravelyvulnerably share who we really are, let’s have gratitude for the people around us who are open-hearted and generous in their encouragement and who want nothing more than to support and witness us in all our Flourishing Loveliness.

There will be others too who might be unable to join in this Yes Fest, and then we can practise not taking their less than encouraging responses to heart (more on this to come in ‘It Actually Is All About You, But Don’t Take It Personally…’) and I’ve even come to quite enjoy the discomfort when someone withholds enthusiasm or shuts their heart to me – it’s something to get stuck into in the name of Wondrous Curiosity and Soulful Exploration after all, and always says something about how I might be withholding from myself too, so is a fantastic trigger to simply Love More…

 

bud anais

When we take responsibility for ourselves, we realise how others receive us isn’t the issue, it can’t be, not any more. Let’s do what we love, be who we are, and that’s it.

Something that’s come up around all this, is that it’s seemed more acceptable somehow for us to share our struggles, to connect with others through the challenges and pain we face, than it has been to share our awesomeness, our triumphs and creative gorgeousness. Trained to keep inside the lines, not to get too big for those boots or blow our own trumpets (and what’s that about?! If we can’t blow them, who can? Surely there’s nothing sadder than a cheery, shiny trumpet left silent, getting tarnished and dented and sad…) it’s like we’re afraid to shine too brightly, perhaps feeling judged by a sense in certain quarters that ‘Light is lite’, that a path of Joy is one of bouncing about with bluebirds and la-la-la smiling and pretend. It is not.

To walk an embodied Joy Path takes grounded commitment, strength, and courage as we embrace Everything as it is, including the shadowy parts, and so to deny our fullest Light is as limiting as to deny our deepest Darkness. Just as you showing up in all your adorable messiness allows me to do the same, it feels like it’s time for each of us to Delight in the very Beauty and Gifts that we all have to share, each of us here to bring something unique and unrepeatable. Never another beautiful You, ever again.

telling-secrets-bigI’ll show you my Fantastickness, if you show me yours..?

One of my Top Team** once told me that to withhold the things we create, to keep them hidden because we’re afraid of what others might think, is a bit mean. Sounds a little harsh perhaps, but The Universe likes a good brazen Share apparently, and Gifts love to be passed around, appreciated and exclaimed over.

And so, as getting creative is a huge fast track to Joy, if you could bring anything to the creative table, that smorgasbord of delicious and fun stuff, what would be your gift? We all want to see/hear/taste it! Looking around at what others bring to the picnic can make our mouths water, feed and inspire us to create in our own ways. There’s enough space for everyone’s Gift to be seen here, and more than enough talent to go around. It’s an infinite exchange, this constant flow of giving and receiving, and like breathing in and breathing out, it’s absolutely vital to Living as fullydeeplyjoyfully as we can.

 

fly little bird flyYou’re not mine to hold onto…

So please allow us to delight in the painting or the wondrous origami dragons you’ve created. Please invite us to the walking group you’ve been thinking of setting up, or the open mic where you’d like to play the guitar or the singing circle you would be amazing at leading. We’d love to read your mouth-watering new story and taste the biscuits you’ve made and enthuse over them because yes, the extra spice that only you add to the mix provides a whole new delicious dimension.

That old Cosmic Closet was getting stuffy anyhow. It was Dark and I was squished in there, and lonely. There is room for us all outside, and room for each one of us to show up with everything We Are, stretching right to the edges till we realise, ‘Oh, there are no edges…’

Spacious.

Come Out and Play!

 

 

*I never needed that parachute after all. Turns out we actually just fly.

** In the spirit of full disclosure and committing fully to who we are, my Top Team are wise, loving and sometimes startlingly no-nonsense friends who share their perspectives and help me to see things in new ways, celebrating every time I Grow or Remember or Love a little bit more. We all have good friends like this, yes? The old TT just happen to be in non-physical form. Cool. Coming Out Of The Cosmic Closet and appearing like a fruit loop? I feel the time for worrying about that has long passed…

 

Let us know in the Comments what you’d like to bring to the table this year. What’s your Gift? (and big yourself up as if you’re your very best friend). What do you want to do more of this year? Be brave and share and let us celebrate You!

 

 

Friends, support, and synchronised swimming as an Olympic sport…

synchronised swim

 

First off, what is happening to Time?! I wake up, start to do something for a moment and when I look again it’s almost time for bed. I’ve felt myself getting anxious and fearful about not ‘achieving’ enough during these short-seeming days, and so when I’ve caught myself getting into a state I’ve been trying to remember my practice – I take a breath, feel the fearful fluttering as fully as I can (it really only wants to be heard and understood, in all its alliterative glory…) and as I do this I also connect to the big ocean of Joy…Ah, there it is! The fear softens and relaxes its clutches a bit and I usually end up having a little smile at my own lovelycrazy expense. It’s all okay!

But sometimes it’s not. Sometimes it’s really hard, and I feel the chaos of what’s happening (both within my own small world and without, in the bigger, wider one) pulling me into its wild dance and I’m scared and I dig in my heels to resist. Recently I’ve been resisting letting go of expectations I didn’t even realise I had, and the resisting has been making me tired and angry and sad. It’s my role as a mum of two gorgeous teenagers that is currently providing me with this particular Awesome Opportunity (as in ‘What is happening here might feel rubbish but is really an Awesome Opportunity to grow and learn in disguise, honestly…’) but the triggers that wake us up to where we might be stamping our feet and resisting Life could be anything. Can you relate?!

And so it’s been other people who have made getting through this bumpy patch a whole lot easier for me – sometimes offering practical help, hugs or little nuggets of wisdom mined from their own experiences,  sometimes sending a silly text, or just being there for me to dance with or share a laugh with in the Post Office without even knowing my name or having the slightest idea what’s been going on in my own little world. They haven’t tried to change things or take what is happening away, but they’ve just been around in their different ways, and I’ve felt their warmth and lovely humanness and it’s been the perfect medicine. Other People are the best!

To be open about the times when we are struggling, as well as the times we’re on a roll, can be important to those of us on a path like this. It gets things flowing and moving again rather than keeping things stuck, and to show up just as we are in any moment and ask for the support we need might even give others permission to do the same and receive in their turn, creating a healthier and more loving community. Win win! And this isn’t about being needy or giving our power away by expecting others to fix us somehow, but is a gloriously natural exchange that, who knows, might even lead to us all realising that we are all already totally supported on every level in any case. Maybe it’s only by all of us getting intimate with our own Wondrous Mess and loving it back into shape that the collective Wondrous Mess that is our outer world will begin to transform too.

So reaching out can be a radical act. There’s scary-seeming stuff out there, to be sure, and there is also a lot of support and encouragement and Love, and if we feel disconnected or lost,  or see someone else is going under, we can reach out and hold a hand, or catch someone’s eye and feel part of something Good. A friend recognises your struggle because she’s been there too, and when she whisks you out somewhere to put the wiggle back into your walk, she knows that you’ll be doing the same for her when she needs it. We’re all in this crazybeautiful dance together, and yes, we all have our own unique moves to make and are each responsible for the little piece of Love that We Are, but we are never alone. We can choose to pretend that we are if we want to, but we are not.

More on this in my upcoming post Coming Out of the Cosmic Closet, so hold onto your hats for that one, but for now, let’s just chew on this idea that supporting ourselves as we begin to remember the Love that We Are includes reaching out and connecting to the other exquisitely imperfect human beings around us. Maybe it also includes starting to see ourselves reflected in each other, which might be challenging if we widen this out to  really include Everyone and Everything going on Out There in the big wide world,  but hey, we’re here on Earth aren’t we? Got to love a challenge!

 

holding hands finger

When we hold hands, who is holding whom? And is the holder ‘stronger’ than the one allowing themselves to be held? Pondering this is like a delicious yoga twist for my mind. Bendy!

 

I once knew an amazing acupuncturist who helped me to get back on track when I was tired and stuck, as well as teaching me the importance of being able to ask for support and then really, deeply Receive it…I wrote a poem to celebrate him because we all need a bit of that sometimes, a bit of extra care and nourishment to help us reconnect to the Big Something that is Love, that is really Us, dontcha think?! Check it out…

 

Corinne looks startled as she suddenly remembers she is Alive, and Totally Supported on every level…

 

So yeah! Thank YOU for being there, for being you, just as you are, because you being you, in all your wonderfulmessy humanness, supports me to be me in mine. I’m sending this out as a big piece of Love just for its own sake. Catch it, play with it, pass it on. I’m saying, ‘I’m reaching out to you, and am here as you reach out to me…’

Connections create beautiful patterns, just like those awesome synchronised swimming ladies in their flowery bathing caps, a kaleidoscopic dance of smiling support and fascinating inter-relatedness. Imagine what this looks like from far, far away, how the Big Picture of Connection appears from say, a different star system or distant galaxy. I bet it looks beautiful, and perhaps in a strange and enchanting language those patterns communicate something about us, incredible human beings all doing our best on this magical Earth. Perhaps they spell out words like ‘Hope’, or maybe they read ‘This Is The Shape Of Love’ or ask something like ‘Does This Look Like The Future To You?’.

Who knows, but Connection is a language I really want to get better at. Want to learn it together?

 

 

I would love to hear from you in the Comments…Let’s Connect!